Hello World!!

        Where the hell has my body gone? I think maybe..Somewhere in between I'm a faux fitness junkie and Burger King lane... I often ask myself is this the best I can do? With not only my body but all aspects of my life...and everytime I ask myself I struggle with that question in only one area of my and that is my weight and body image. In fact for a little over four years now.. and I can tell you every single time I ask I always have fear, self doubt, loathing, and sadness.

        I have decided to make a change.. and honestly not because it's New Years and not because I want to make this drastic expected immediate results change my life type scenario. Because no I know this will be hard. I know it won't be easy, and everyday after all I will have to push because well.... I'm a foodie... I have that inner 800lb+ woman inside me that literally has eaten half the Christmas Pecan pie.. who has embarrassed herself in front of her husband because he caught her in the corner squeezing cookie frosting into her mouth like it was my last meal. 

          Then after... feeling such shame and regret that I go onto Pintrest and pin every single Health & Fitness pin I can think of and in my head say "I will start tomorrow". But that "I will start tomorrow" is complete bullshit.. but not anymore. No more self loathing looking at pictures of girls with gaps in their thighs, who can wear all the adorable outfits that I drool over daily... I will never loathe my body again because I will NEVER give myself the ability to say you are not doing the best that YOU can do. 

        Please understand that I am not saying I want to be a gap in my thighs sex-vixen because well I am a mother or two and an Army wife.. probably thee worst beachbody coach by example you could ever meet; and all I want is the ability to look at myself in the mirror and say hell yes this is the best I can do. Oh and yes, that's right I am a beachbody coach.. maybe I am losing some of you now because you think I am trying to sell you but honestly I love their products (when I actually stick with using them and stop the laziness) and my team is the greatest group of people I have ever met... they've stuck with me for three years patiently waiting for me to realize that who I am right now when it comes to my body image, view of self worth, and my capacity to love myself is nowhere near where they know that I have the ability to possess. So throughout my journey I will be using Beach Body nutrition and programs in combination with the good ole gym visit.. maybe even some different fitness classes too!

       So what does all of this have to do with this blog... This is my VERY public very REAL way of confessing my weightloss journey, my only and last resort to bring some shred of accountability to my pursuit of my best I can do body. I'll be posting daily posts on this blog.. updates on my journey, what has worked and not worked for me, AMAZING recipes I find along the way.  You can also partake in my journey by joining my free Facebook group Fitness Foodies.. a place where so many amazing people have come together to motivate themselves, me, and each other! And even though I am on my own journey I would love to help you with yours.. because after all it takes a village and I love meeting people who want a life change or who love to inspire to change lives!!